Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus.
It's as bad as you think, and they were out to get you.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the Tax man.
If money could talk, it would say good bye.
If its too loud, your too old.
I took an IQ test and the results were Negative
Keep granny off the streets, support bingo
Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!!
Jesus is coming, look busy!
- Alan Bennett
Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
-Todd Rudolph
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
So many pedestrians, so little time
Honk if you hate noise pollution
-Gurmukh Mongia
I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of it's students
I is a college student.
Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
Don't steal. The government hates competition
Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog - Dorothy.
Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train
Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
